Crossing the Streams

NETFLIX:

  • Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj: Just one more [lovely] way to consume comedic, topical news. And I owe a debt to Mister Minhaj for he got me through John Oliver's Last Week Tonight hiatus. So, you know. American hero.
     
  • Polar: An ultra violent, assassin-with-a-heart-of-gold-who-saves-the-girl movie with high production values and a diabolical, "I don't give a shit" sense of humor. This is to be consumed when you don't give a shit about things like narrative and plot, and just need a fix till the third John Wick premieres.
     
  • The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind: I have not watched this yet, and under the Snow Piercer Peace Accord, I'm officially not allowed to recommend a streaming consumption without completion, but I've just been in pre-Idris Elba love with Chiwetel Elijor since Dirty, Pretty Things, and he was so pretty, er I mean articulate on Trevor Noah the other night (Mmmm, Trevor Noah. A man's whom's dimples I want to spread on my body like butter).
     
  • Fyre Festival: I'm not a usual purveyor of documentaries, but there's just something about entitled millennials getting fucked over that makes this movie delightful. Seriously, I wanna just eat that cheese sandwich while watching this. Speaking of documentaries, the responsible in us should watch Period. End of Sentence as it just won Best Documentary, but the kid in me is just gonna end up watching Netflix's latest disappointment, I mean offering, The Order.

HULU:

  • The Passage: I've read the book series by Justin Cronin, so I'm literally vested when I say it's fabulous. The show and the book. I mean the kid's cool (you should check her out in Kevin Hart's Princess Bride Black History/ Drunk History show on Netflix), and in the wake of a Luke Perry loss, I wanna support my '90's bruh, Mark Gosselaar aka Zach Morris, who plays the assassin-with-a-heart-of-gold-who-saves-the-girl.
     
  • The Rookie: Cause it's Nathan Fillion, and I don't wanna hear another word about it. I would have sex with Nathan Fillion's hair if he'd let me. Yeah, you say "ewww" now, but think about it. Captain Mel, people.
     
  • Minority Family Assimilatin' in America Shows: It's 2am. You're drunk. There's coagulated pizza on the counter top? Put on the Hulu tape mix of Fresh Off the Boat, Black-ish, The Goldbergs, The Kid's are Alright. You've done your part for America.
     
  • The Gifted: No. Just no.
     
  • The Runaways: I will cut you if you watch this.
     
  • Killing Eve: Sandra Oh, will you have my babies? I mean they'll come in the form of my poor decision making skills, but they'd be ours, Sandra. They'll be ours...
     
  • Archer's Danger Island: If I believed in ghosts, I'd say give it up. I adore you, Adam Reed, and your contribution to post-contemporary lexicon's zeitgeist cannot be measured with existing technology. Now stop. Just stop. We're good. Take a page from the Dan Harmon Rick & Morty playbook and please stop.
     
  • Chicago Med, Fire, Station 19, Grey's Anatomy, New Amsterdam, The Good Doctor, and The Resident: Refer to before-mentioned coagulatin' pizza and 2 o'clock in the morning...
     
  • Manifest: There's something there. I have no idea what that is, but there's something there...

PRIME (INCLUDING CBS ACCESS ADD-ON):
Yeah, I did it. I'm officially of Geritol, CBS-consuming age. Deal with it!

  • God Friended Me: I know what you're thinking. I was thinking the same thing: stupid title. Stupider concept, but it was 2 o'clock in the morning (what the fuck am I doin' with my life that good things only happen at 2 o'clock in the morning), and I started watching it and couldn't stop. Seriously, my people, it's good, good writing. It's original, topical and so very lovely, lovely to see a Black male lead in a non-Empire who's flawed, inspiring and just fabulous to follow.
     
  • Good Omens: What the shit, Prime?! Why can you not adopt the Netflix business model and just release your crappy series already (looking your way, Jack Ryan and Hanna).
     
  • The Widow: I'm thinking this is commute-watchable, but I'm only two eps in. I'm stuck on the #550 to Hellevue with nothing else to do 'sides stick a serrated spoon of Siracha in your eyes, it seems cool.
     
  • Madam Secretary: It's like a West Wing Valium of "...if only the real world was like this..."
     
  • SEAL Team: Because David Boreanaz is Angel and joy will always come in the form of Angel.
     
  • Blue Bloods: Tom Selleck's mustache is my spirit guide.
     
  • The Good Fight: I'm not even gonna try to be clever and convincing. Watch it or don't . It's good.
     
  • MacGyver and Magnum P.I. reboots: I've seen sick on the sidewalk with more depth, but something tells me you didn't need me to tell y'all that.