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Under My Umbrella, Eh, Eh, Eh... (D-)

Umbrella Academy on Netflix (10 episodes)

...Hopefully, Rhianna did her absolute best to disassociate from the horror (not in a good way) that is Netflix's Umbrella Academy because, sweet baby Jesus' balls, it is one of the most boring superhero outings Netflix has ever offered. Yeah, okay there's Iron First, but at least Danny Rand had the decency to interrupt his bloated sense of entitlement with an action sequence or two.

No such relief in Umbrella Academy. The characters' (adopted siblings under the yoke of a tyrannical father figure) "powers" are ineffectual (one guy is just big and hairy. That's it. Just big and hairy), and head-scratching in nature.

The few action sequences present are poorly shot, and overly-reliant on non-sequential jump cuts. The villains? Co-dependent Kill Bill dress ups with donut-fueled existential crisis.

The plus in D+ is because shit finally happens the second half of episode 9. So, roughly one and a half episodes outta ten will not make you want to scoop your eyeballs out with an acid-dipped melon baller.

Sadly, Umbrella Academy was recently renewed for a second season, which explains the sudden loosening of my bowels.

I could go on, but let's not give Umbrella Academy any more attention.

Wanna an academic-based, supernatural show? Try The Magicians. More action, less daddy issues.

Umbrella Academy on Netflix (10 episodes)

The Magicians (3 seasons, 13 episodes)